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” He zipped up his pants and walked away to sit on a foldout chair and drink a beer as he watched the next man walk up to me. The rest of them men sat around the fire and laughed and told possibly made up sex stories from their high school and college years. They worked on rotation so they would each get a chance to violate me in any way they pleased. To keep me awake they forced me to take as much drugs and alcohol they could get me to swallow. Over time I stopped screaming as loud as I lost the will to live. To get a reaction out of me they would pour burning candle wax over my body which too lost its effect on me as the night rolled through. When each man had gotten his turn Dmitri came back for seconds and repeated his earlier treatment. When he had finished and all the men had their seconds as well they continued to drink and play games around the fire. One man noticed my blank death-like stares and asked what the hell was wrong with me. Dmitri answered, “She lost the will to. Somehow that unfairness was incredibly erotic to me. I could see that the very idea that she could fuck someone else and enjoy that freedom even when I could not, was mind-blowing to me. I was taken by the idea of her agreeing to experience the amazing high of having other lovers while being loved and encouraged by her partner, and at the same time, denying that pleasure to the person who actually wanted it for himself. I so totally wanted that feeling, and yet I was offering to stay monogamous and let her have it instead. Here I was, wanting so badly to have that experience myself, yet trying to convince my reluctant wife to take this from me for her own pleasure. The idea that she might decide to try it was keeping me up all night with gut-twisting hard-ons. The hypocrisy, the injustice, the unfairness, her pleasure, all of it was the sweetest, deepest, and most erotic pain for me. The thought of loving her so much that I could give that freedom, filled me with even more love. I.
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